Broken Promises

This will seem, to some people, so obvious, and yet so many people seem oblivious to the logic.

As your relationship with someone progresses, situations will arise where promises will be made. Over time as the promises are made your partner will get a sense of whether you are a promise keeper or a promise breaker.
If you are a promise keeper, you are trust worthy; if you break your promises, you can't be trusted.

This is baffling to some. They just don't get what the big deal is. But relationships are built on promises, every level of commitment is built on promises, and marriage is a legally binding contract full of promises. You promise your partner to be faithful (unless you are in an understanding poly-amorous relationship) and you promise to be supportive, you promise to look after the interests of your partner as well as your own, to remember important dates, and to do all the things that they see in other couples and think "I want that for myself."
If you get married, these promises are made in front of a church official or a registrar, friends and family, and for some of you, in front of God; you sign a contract as a legal declaration of your promises to one another.
If you ask someone to be your boyfriend/girlfriend, there is no contract or ceremony and the promises aren't spoken aloud; but there are unspoken promises, whether you know it or not, that lead to expectations. The only thing that might be said in reference to these unspoken promises, is to negate them; "This doesn't mean we're exclusive."

If you establish a reputation with your partner as a promise breaker, then how can you be trusted with other promises? Your word is dirt, the only way you can prove yourself is through your actions, and you just keep going, breaking promises.

You might think you don't make promises. You might even think you are a "man of your word" and that you "don't make promises you can't keep," (excuse the word "man" there, it's a more common phrase) but what you don't understand is that every time you say you're going to do something, be it housework, waking up at a certain time, or even the almighty bastard words "I'll do it in the morning," you are making a promise. You don't have to say the words "I promise" for it to be a promise. In fact, if people ask you to promise to do stuff like saying you will isn't a promise in itself, you already should know you are a promise breaker.

If your partner doesn't trust you even with stupid little things, it means you break all manner of promises.

You can't keep every promise, sometimes it just isn't possible. But when the excuses start to pile up, you're just making excuses. Sometimes you have to put someone else before yourself. If you promised to do the dishes in the morning, but you wake up feeling like shit; either go to the hospital if it's bad enough, or do the fucking dishes.

If you are a promise breaker, get a hold of yourself. Step up to the plate and keep your damned promises, or you will find yourself loosing the one you love to somebody else who will keep theirs.

Promise keepers, you are awesome. You make your partner feel safe and stress free. Keep it up.

Arguments, and how to avoid more

Every couple argues. From bickering to full fledged shouting matches, it's natural to have disagreements and only human to make mistakes (and to be mad at someone for making mistakes). There are, however, a few things to keep in mind to avoid making things worse than they need to be.

Never call each other names. You might feel alienated, disappointed, angry, hurt, or betrayed, but if you call your loved one selfish, heartless, cold, lazy, ugly, fat, or any nasty word, you can never take it back. Names will stick in your partner's mind and will eventually come back and bite you. It opens up a vicious cycle of pain and retaliation, so you should try to avoid lashing out and being hurtful.

Never put words into the other person's mouth or mind. Statements like, "As soon as I start to ask you to do something, you start to think of excuses as to why you can't do it," or "You only ever think of yourself," are not only hurtful and counter-productive, they're also wrong.
You do not know what someone else is thinking. You can only guess. Making statements like these as though they are facts and not your opinion will make you look like a dick, both to the person you're arguing with, and anyone who might overhear you. The person you are talking to will generally focus on the fact that you are presumptuous enough to think you know their mind better than they do and not take in the point you're trying to make.
A better statement will only comment on what you actually do know: your own feelings. For example -
"I feel like I'm not being heard"
"I don't feel like you are taking my feelings into consideration, and that upsets me"
"I don't feel like you are helping around the house as much as is fair, and that makes me feel like the work I do isn't being appreciated."
Simple way to know if you're doing it right: Never start a sentence with "You," start with "I."

Do not make empty threats. The more threats you make but don't follow through on, the less you will be taken seriously. Threats of any kind should not be necessary in any situation, and if you use them in a fight you will instantly become the spoilt brat who can't stand it when things don't go their way, and can't argue their point well enough that they have to resort to threats in order to win. It also shows you up as a drama queen (or king) who is prone to overreactions. Of course, threats can come back and bite you, big time. One way a threat can come back on you is with a counter-threat.
"I'm going to leave you."
"Oh yeah? Well, I'm taking full custody of the kids."
Another way is to have your bluff called.
"If you don't.... I'll pack my bags and leave."
"You know what? I think you should."
In some cases, the person on the receiving end of the threat might believe you, and be so afraid of what you say you'll do that they go to extreme lengths to avoid it. For example, threatening to take someone's children away can sometimes make a person feel so desperate that they will kill to make sure the treat is never carried out.
Finally, threats are classed as abuse. No matter how big or small the threat, they're all essentially blackmailing. You might find yourself having the police called on you.

Before you make a threat, stop and think. Is the thing you're arguing about bad enough that you would actually do what you're threatening to do? If not, don't make the threat, because you are just saying it to upset the person and to scare them into compliance. If it is that bad, don't make the threat, just do it. Nothing should change your mind. If it's bad enough to leave, then leave. People always threatening to leave are the ones who, when they finally do, get harassed by their ex-partners who are sure that they'll "come round eventually" or "didn't think they were serious about leaving." 

Some of this stuff might sound ridiculous, when you think of all the arguments you hear (or have taken part in) where people are swearing and name calling, threatening and putting words in each other's mouths, and then continuing on like nothing has happened. But like smoking, even though each argument only lasts so long, the damage is done under the surface. The more you do it, the worse it gets, and you do it even more.

Speaking for myself, I couldn't stay with a man who called me names. If my boyfriend ever called me fat, ugly,  or stupid; or swore at me (in jest is one thing, but if he ever called me a bitch, c*nt, or whore and meant it,) I would have to leave him. It sounds stupid, leaving the life you've built with someone over a word, but I would know that the use of those words was meant to hurt me, rather than to fix a problem, and I would never be able to get that word in his voice out of my head. The argument would be over, but I would be constantly reminded that that was what he thought of me, that he could be so disrespectful to me. In my opinion, grown ups in a loving relationship don't talk to each other like that.

I would like to point out that throughout this post I have refrained as much as possible from using words like lover, partner, or spouse in relation to the person being argued with, because this advice and these arguments are not exclusive to couples. My friends that I've had those nasty arguments with have never remained friends for long, and if you don't choose your words carefully with family you'll have to live with the aftermath indefinitely.

In short, treat people with respect if you want to keep them in your life.

Couples

Some couples are awful, aren't they?

Especially when you get stuck on some kind of hellish "double date" with them. One of them is bound to be a friend of yours making it all the more horrifying to watch them interact. Sometimes it's annoying nit-picking, sometimes it's downright abusive; sometimes it's right there in front of your face and sometimes it's under the surface; but fuck, it's a pain to watch. If you're going to act like that, why must you force me to watch?

This leads to the obvious bout of friends trying to split this couple up, failing, and often times giving up and falling out or "loosing touch" with them. A couple like this will not be broken or fixed by anyone but themselves. Sometimes people enjoy being in the rush of a tumultuous relationship, the drama of going to their friends in tears and being told how they're "better than this" because it's straight out of a soap story.

Then there are those couples that are sickly sweet to each other, never fight and constantly try to dish out advice that's usually useless. They're always so smug that they can be just as much of a pain to be around as couples who are at each other's throats. They generally aren't as perfect as they make out, their happy faces hiding some bigger problems, or maybe just lots of little ones.

Most couples are somewhere in the middle, love is not a problem but the other things associated with a partnership can be difficult, be it household chores, money, or sex. Let's face it; no matter how happy or angsty your relationship, your friends don't really want to hear about it. The only reason to change is for your own happiness and that of your partner.

If you read any men's magazine with an article on pleasing your other half, the focus is often on how big your muscles are, how long you last in bed or how many positions you can do. Women's magazines talk about make up and sexual favours. Sex isn't the only way to keep a lover happy, but even so these magazines don't always have the right idea, and there is nothing worse than a lover who thinks they're amazing because they've read all the books and all the partners they've had have told them how great they are, afraid to hurt their feelings or just not wanting a crier on their hands ("I'm sorry *sob* I'm so terrible *sob* you deserve better" etc).

This is why I am here, not to solve any deep issues with individuals but to give universally good advice on how to be a better boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. Most of it will not be about sex, either.

A little about me: I'm just coming up on 26 years old, engaged to a man 8 years older. I've been engaged for three and a half years out of the four and a half we've been together. We've lived together for most of our relationship and supported each other through a lot. We got pregnant by accident and then miscarried at five months, all whilst my mother was dying of ovarian cancer. He was fresh out of a previous marriage when we got together and we even spent some time being friendly with the ex wife. Money and housework are a constant issue, so I think I'm well equipped to speak knowledgeably about such matters. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we do have a lot of experience. A lot more than a 26 year old would be expected to have.

Be aware that these lessons will require work, sometimes hard, and in some cases they will open you up to more work for the rest of your life. But if your loved one is worth it, you should be able to handle it.